“Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone.” You’ve just broken up, and this is the song that best reflects your state of mind. Regardless of whose fault it was or what the issues were, your emotions are all over the place. It’s not easy, but at this time the best thing is to take some time out from the relationship to think about what you want from life. You may conclude that you want to get back together.
Studies show that about half of all couples who break up do get back together and for some very good reasons. After all, there was something that brought you together in the first place. And then there’s the history you share.
But even if you want to get back together, relationship experts suggest that you should take your time. In fact, according to the No Contact Rule, you should not contact your ex at all but wait for her to call. And in almost every case, she will. In the end, when you do get back together, your connection will be stronger than ever before.
Breaking Up is Hard To Do
No matter who is at fault, a breakup is a painful experience. The first step towards healing is to acknowledge your pain. Admit to yourself that you have lost something worthwhile. It’s ok to spend a few days to mourn, but then it’s time to pick yourself up and put your life together again. Part of that process is deciding if getting back together is a good idea for you.
A surprisingly large number of couples, about 50%, do get back together again after breaking up. There are many reasons for this. In the first place, all the things brought you together in the first place. You found you had shared values, laughed at the same things, loved animals and gardening. ?It might be worth one more try.
Why is a Relationship Timeout a Good Idea?
Even if getting back together sounds like the right choice, it’s not a good idea to rush in. Relationship experts suggest that you should take a timeout. Taking a break gives you time to reflect on whether you should move on or give the relationship one more try. As many as 80% of people who break up want to get back together again. About half do get back together and find that their time apart has made their relationship stronger.
But there is a right way and a wrong way to do this. It seems counterintuitive, but the best way to begin getting back together is to take a break from your relationship. There’s a good reason for this. In the early stages of the break up, you’re not thinking clearly, and neither is your ex. You’re not in the right frame of mind to call, or to initiate any contact. That means no emails, no Facebook contact, and not even any indirect messages on social media.
What is the No-Contact Rule?
The principle behind the No-Contact Rule is quite simple: you want your ex to feel that she made a mistake and that she is losing out by losing you. Humans, being the perverse creatures that we are, always what we can’t have. But there’s more to it than just a game. You also want to show her how much she’s missing out by losing you, and thanks to social media you can.
You should use your relationship time out to become a better version of yourself, even the best version of yourself. It is the time to do the things that you’ve always planned to but never found the time for – plant a garden, learn kayaking, take painting classes.
Your time apart also gives both of you the chance to think about your relationship, what went wrong, and what is worth saving. It gives both of you a chance to remember what you value about each other.
Reunited and it Feels So Good
The good news is that if you’re feeling so strongly about the break up, the chances are that she is too. Relationship experts say that you should not initiate contact before four weeks. But it’s very likely that your ex will call you before that. Again, the best way to handle this is to treat her as an old friend and to remake your relationship slowly.
Communication is the key. You may find that your connection is stronger than before, and now you’re more ready to commit. You’ve shown each other your worst sides as well as the best and found that you can live with the whole package. Your time apart may even have shown you how difficult it is to live without. As long as there isn’t any abusive behavior on either side, the relationship deserves a second chance.
Happily ever after does happen, but you have to work at it. So if you’re going through a break up, take heart. Remember, if you’re feeling so bad about it, so is your ex. Take your time to think things through, find your purpose in life, and then give your relationship another try.